Monday, December 20
the interview went okay. it's what happened after that that scared me. you know how i've always been clumsy? how i don't have any psychomotor skills, how i knock over and drop things and trip over every thing? i never thought anything was wrong. last night i spilled water all over the table when i toppled the glass over. and a lot of other things. but at lunch just now i broke a glass and cut my left hand. i don't know how it happened. one moment i was lifting it up to drink, and the next moment there was glass and ice and water all over the table and my mother was staring at me in shock. then i saw the blood dripping from my hand and my vein through the layers of skin and muscle. i think i just loosened my grip a little and it slipped out. i can't pick up small things easily either. or basically control my limbs. although i can still play the piano, thank God. if that was taken away from me.. i don't know what i would do. just cry i suppose. and attempt to play it with sticks in my mouth. anyway i have to see the doctor. about the cut and why i can't control my limbs. they feel a bit numb, in the no-feeling kind of way. i know there's something in my hand, but i can't grip it. and if i try to press on to it to keep it from slipping out.. i get a headache from the effort. and my hands tremble. i hate being this way. i think my parents are scared. i'm scared too. just a little. i never realised anything was wrong. but the numb feeling and lack of control has worsened. and the tiredness. i can't get up without feeling all my energy drain away. i hope the doctor doesn't have bad news.. like all my organs are shutting down one by one or smth.. i'm really glad for this password thing. this is something i don't want my enemies to know about. my weakness.
it must've been love.
1:12 pm
xoxo
